Stealth

Cautiously, carefully,
Watching,
Waiting,
Confusing,
Diffusing,
Sorting things out
Counting my blessings.
I see you,
I hear you,
I read you,
I know you.
I thank you.

For now, it has to be enough.

Singing the Deep Winter Blues

Rundown and waining
No time for living anymore
Always something taking up my time
Just feel like walking out the door.

Rundown and seething
Confusion gets me so down
On the outside I always wear a smile
But on the inside it's a drawn down frown.

Rundown and feel like screaming
Can't seem to make things work
The harder I try to make it right
The more I feel like some jerk.

Rundown and feeling mean
Not like me to be so confused.
I'm so low down right now
Cause I got the Deep Winter Blues.

Deep Winter Blues

I wish this title were simply the title to a song, but alas, it's a condition I face every year in the middle of winter, or what I refer to as Deep Winter. Seems each year when this time of year arrives, we face days upon days without sunshine, and when the sun refuses to shine, my generally pleasant tempermant takes a tumble.

I find myself in a rotten mood so much of the time, not wanting to really get out and do anything constructive. Thankfully I do have my job and my responsibilities to the committee I sit on which keeps me active but doesn't tend to provide me with the beams of sunshine I seem to really need this time of year.

I become pessimistic, which is not something I enjoy being. I would much rather be optimistic and see the good in things, but again, it's this sunshine thing and this cold weather thing I seem to suffer from.

Christmas and New Year's are always a great deal of fun for me, even with my job and the hectic pace it sets for my life during the holidays, I still find so much enjoyment celebrating them. There are always those who come along, though, for whatever reasons they might have, and they try and ruin them for others. I try to fend this attack off and usually pretty successful when that happens. I find the best response is to make NO response. It takes two to quarrel and I refuse to do that if I possibly can.

I'm facing a time in my life where there is a great deal of future uncertainty. My career I've enjoyed for the past 29 plus years could be winding down if I can figure out a way to continue to make the same amount of money by retiring and starting a new job. Tomorrow I take the first step in that direction and begin the venture of trying to find a promise of a job that I won't be actually starting until a year from now. That in itself should prove to be quite a challenge in itself.

The Summer Concert Series committee I sit on is hard at work setting dates for our concerts and trying to decide on musical genres and artists to perform. Our meetings have moved from once a month to twice a month because there is so much work to be done to be ready in time. Donation raising is underway and such an important part in the process of providing a community with FREE concerts and concerts that we want to think will be memorable ones for those who attend. Though a lot of work, it's a labor of love and one that I consider very rewarding since one of the purposes my life has chosen to take is the sharing of music with others.

Distractions seem to come along right now in an effort to throw me into an even deeper funk. People try and use me in an effort to bring me down and throw me into the middle of their own karma and use me as an excuse for whatever purpose lies in that. Again, it takes two to keep this going and I refuse to do so when I'm already suffering from a bad case of DWB. So, for those of you who think I'm the cause or the reason for your own bad karma, give it up because I can assure you, it just isn't so. Maybe I don't run on your time schedule, but that's not my doing and it's not under my control. Your own destiny is what you make of it so please, just leave me out of it, ok?

Hopefully next month when vacation arrives and we get away from the daily grind of day to day reality that the setting my wife and I use in February to get away to will provide the comfort and cure to my case of Deep Winter Blues.

At least the sun is shining today, it might be below zero outside and windy as can be, but I'll find something to escape to today, even if it's just for a few hours.

And best of all, Nascar season is less than a month away and that in itself will provide me with a much needed emotional lift I'm sure.

Mid January

Cold, frigid air,
Blank, empty stare.
Silent screams,
Lost dreams.
Spreading cancers,
No reliable answers.
Long distance miles,
Faces without smiles.
True love dilution
The only solution.

Last Dance

Vital steps we took together,
The path we danced held a necessary
Gap
That proved too much to overcome
As the music we listened to
Finally came to an end.

As the music played, we kept step
With each other,
Matching our steps in unison,
But the music was winding down
As were our steps.

As usual, my lead wasn't enough
And you tried to set your own pace,
Feel music that wasn't playing,
At least to my ears,
And we fell out of step yet again,
Only this time it would be the last.

Finally, the band ceased playing,
Our hands broke apart
And we separted from each other
On the dance floor,
Our dance over,
The connection over,
The magic gone.

Our last dance completed.