Saying Another Goodbye

New Year's Eve our phone ran around 7PM or and Peggy told me it was for me and wouldn't tell me who it was. I took the phone, and lo and behold on the other end was a former co-worker of mine who retired over 20 years ago and someone that I could also say was a friend of mine.

Let's call him Joe.

Joe called, basically shot the breeze for a few minutes, told me he had tried to get hold of my sister to talk to her and didn't catch her, so he called me just to "catch up" on things. We talked for about ten minutes, and as he said good bye to me, I heard his voice catch and as I hung up the phone I told Peggy that it almost sounded like he was on the verge of tears.

This puzzled me because Joe, regardless of the fact that he was around 80 years old, was someone who never showed tender emotions like that. You knew he liked you simply if he spent time talking to you, joking with you and his general attitude toward you.

If Joe didn't like you, I promise you, you knew that too, because in no uncertain terms he wouldn't give you the time of day and he showed no patience toward you.

Around 7PM last night my sister called. She had just hung up from speaking with Joe's wife. Joe passed away yesterday.

He had been ill for sometime, had been in and out of the hospital many times over the past few years. About two years ago he told his daughter that he was getting awfully tired of fighting. His daughter, who is the carbon copy of Joe, told him not to talk that way that everyone still needed him.

Joe fought and got better.

Yesterday Joe told his wife and kids he was tired and didn't want to fight anymore, he just wanted to rest. The family told him that was okay, he could rest if he wanted to.

Joe went to sleep and never woke up again.

Joe, my friend, rest well, rest easy, and enjoy the new world you have passed into. You left a mark on all who knew you and you, my friend, will never, ever be forgotten.

Rest in peace, and I look forward the day you and I can get together and talk once again and I can see that sly smile on your face and hear that wickedly evil laugh of yours that I remember so well.

You were indeed a great friend and I will so miss you.

Godspeed!

Verdict

Received a call from my orthopaedic surgeon today with the news: Right rotator cuff is torn on top, which means surgery in the not too distant future.

My mind flashes back 11 years ago when I had left shoulder surgery, and to say that I'm upset is an understatement.

However, I have a great surgeon and I have no doubt in my mind that he will make me as good as new. It's just the thought of the pain, the therapy and the sleeping sitting up in the recliner all over again.

Now if I can just figure out how to cover the time off from work with what limited amount of leave time I have left.

Vince Gill - Which Bridge To Cross (Which One To Burn)

One of those country songs from years ago that has to have some of the most amazing lyrics I've ever heard. Wish I could be remembered for writing something like this. This is a totally amazing song by Vince Gill.

Mirrors Part Two

While the new adventure begins,
The smile moves the lips,
But the mirrors remain unmoving.
What will it take
To invoke that same emotion
In the mirrors?

2011?

Looking at everything from a purely logical standpoint, which is not an easy thing to do, because to do so means having to remove yourself from the picture emotionally, which is basically impossible, I would have to say that retirement in the year 2011 is a very real possibility and a realistic objective.

Lots of questions remain to be answered, but let's just say it seems to be more of a real part of a progessive sequence of events than it did just a year ago.

And so, the adventure continues....

68

Hard to imagine, but had Janis Joplin lived thru all these past years and not died of a heroin overdose, she would have turned 68 years old today.

We'll never know what other changes to music she could have brought us, what other songs she could have left us. We only have what little bit there was in her all too brief career.

Anyone who knows me, knows this tortured soul always has been and always will be my favorite female vocalist of all time.

Such a sad and tragic loss to such a wasteful way of dying.

Rest in peace, my friend.

You are so, so missed by so many of us.

Waiting For The Call

Well, now all I have to do is sit back and wait to be contacted by my orthopaedic surgeon as to the results of my MRI I had done yesterday.

After six weeks of therapy, the pain doesn't seem to be as bad but sleeping is still hard to do and the pain is still pretty intense. The main thing now is that I don't seem to be in pain all the time like I was before.

Hopefully before this week is over I'll hear from Dr Kollias and know what direction he plans on taking.

Thankfully I feel like I have the best shoulder surgeon around and have all the faith in the world in him. After all, he rebuilt my left one years ago and I've had no problems with it since.

I just hope that call comes soon.

I'm ready to start feeling better now.

Seconds

With each tick of the clock,
Time moves on,
And for each second that passes by,
One second moves on we can never
Recover.
Time can be our friend,
Time can be our enemy,
One thing that remains unchanged
Is that time holds still for no one.

direction

Even when all the signs reveal themselves
Of the direction
Your life should follow
You will toss away the compass
And wander aimlessly on your own,
Without direction,
And refusing to learn from the mistakes
Of your past.

Pity.

Mirrors

How much pain can one smile hide?
How many lies can it conceal?
On the surface, all appears whole
But under it all, what's the deal?
Does the smile hide the empty,
Does the attitude bare false witness?
Do the words that you speak
Tell the truth of your fitness?
Or is it a game, you know has no winner
No fortune to speak of right now?
Does it continue to lie, even to you?
Is this all that you seek to endow?
It is said that the eyes are the mirrors of the soul
And inside them is all that we seek.
When I gaze at your eyes, I see no more smiles
Only those things that you dare not to speak.

MRI

Well, as I pretty much figured, the next step now will be to have an MRI on the right shoulder and find out what is going on in there. Surgeon is thinking I have a SLAP tear, or, at worst case scenario, a rotator cuff tear. Either way, we have to take this next step, hopefully next week, and find out exactly what is going on and figure out what course of action will be next.

Thursday Verdict?

Not sure what is going to happen Thursday when I go back to see the surgeon, but I can tell you this much. After my final therapy session today, at least the final one before I go see the surgeon, the pain seems to me to be about the same as it was before. I'm not saying the therapy hasn't done some good, but the pain I'm in doesn't make me feel like we've accomplished a great deal the past four weeks or so.

But, that's for the surgeon to decide.

The pain in the shoulder is real, that much I am sure of.

The therapist told me that transferred pain from the C6 vertabrae is not tender to the touch. This pain in my shouler is intense during therapeutic massage, so there's something wrong in the shoulder, too.

I guess final word rests with the doctor on Thursday, but this much I do know: I can't take much more of this pain and the sleepless nights it is causing.

Whatever his diagnosis is, I only hope good news awaits.

My generally good nature is far from good right now, believe me.