Depart And Be Free

He sits.

Alone, he sits.

His mind wanders.

His wandering mind moves over things so fast, evaluating and reevaluating so many different things.

Years ago he questioned himself, wondering if he were the one at fault.

Then, as the years went by, he realized he no longer needed to question himself.

He was fine.

He was not at fault.

He had cared.

He had tried.

He had been the one to be depended upon.

In actuality, those were his weaknesses.

Those weaknesses were his kryptonite.

For one that he felt so close to at one time, he realized, that was the one that enjoyed the hurting the most.

That was the one who did the hurting.

It became a game.

And just as the one doing the hurting believed that he was winning the game, the one being hurt realized he wasn't really being hurt, he was simply being used.

Used for entertainment.

Used for bragging rights.

Used as a game.

Used sadistically.

Being hurt by one whom he thought had loved him.

Being hurt by one whom he had tried so hard for so many years to protect.

And when this realization hit him and he recognized the truth for what it really was, no longer did there exist any hurt.

No longer did there exist an absence in the heart.

No longer were there any questions.

He saw the answers.

He saw the truth.

The hurt was no more.

Anger replaced the hurt.

Anger became his lead shield against the kryptonite.

He was no longer sad.

He was no longer hurt.

He was no longer confused.

He was no longer depressed.

He was, quite simply, fucking mad as hell!

Which caused him to smile.

Cell

Absence of color
Void of life
No sound
Empty of spirit
Cast aside
Forgotten
Trampled underfoot
Loss of purpose
No longer unique
Purged

A Sobering Reflection

Something happened to me this week that makes me take into consideration the past 31 years that I have been cancer free. I won't go into detail about it, but let's just say I got woke up, jolted, shook and reminded about the wonderful gift the past 31 years have been.

Don't take your good health for granted, because quite frankly, it can be taken from you at anytime without warning.

Thank you, Almighty God!

The Greatest Spectacle In Racing, Version 98.0

This past Sunday I was once again privileged to be able to attend the 98th running of the Indianapolis 500. Beautiful blue skies, temps in the low 80s and a field of cars separated by only 4 miles an hour led to one of the pleasurable races I've ever had the pleasure to attend.

Only two weeks prior to this, I got to go see the Inaugural Grand Prix of Indianapolis on the newly built road course in the infield.

I got to witness Jim Nabors sing "Back Home Again In Indiana" for the last time, which truly put tears in my eyes. Our seats were on turn 3, six rows up, which put us only about 40 feet from the track. About 5 feet further out, the cars carrying dignitaries passed us, again, just a mere 45 feet away, and I had the pleasure of seeing several people, including Jim Nabors, Colts quarterback Andrew Luck, as well as several past champions of the Greatest Spectacle In Racing. I got to see three turbine powered cars take a parade lap around the track, and listen to the strange whisper quiet power plants as they drove by us.

And then, the 500 mile race itself, with a vast number of leaders, lead changes, and the second closest finish in Indianapolis 500 history. All of this happening less than 50 feet in front of me. And while the seats were not on the main straightaway, they were excellent and provided us with so much action to watch.

And best of all, I got to share this experience with my good friend Joe, who got us the tickets thru his place of employment. This entire experience cost us each $10, which was half of what we paid to park in someone's yard.

We already are making plans to go back next year for the 99th running of the Indy 500, as well as this year's Moto GP motorcycle race and the running of the Brickyard 400.

I am so blessed to live within an hour of the greatest race course in the world, the Indianapolis Motor Speedway.

I can't wait until I get to go to this magical place once again in just a few weeks.

A Nice Place To Be

Why is it so many folks when they see someone they used to care deeply about finally being happy and having the things they always wanted, why is it they don't want that person to be happy or have the things that make them happy?

I can recall in junior high when a girl broke up with me once she told me she hoped I would never be happy because she was the best thing that ever happened to me. Nothing was certainly further from the truth. To this day that poor woman isn't happy and has never found what it was she was looking for.

That's sad.

Our lives all have their ups and downs, their moments of happiness and their moments of devastation. Sometimes we stray from those things that make us the happiest for a lot of varying reasons. Some of us are fortunate enough to get back on the right track, while others don't.

When we make our journey back, and when we get on the right track, why is it there seems to be someone out there that only wishes to see you hurt, miserable and alone?

I can think of no one in this life that I would ever wish that on. Those who crossed my life's path I only wish the best for, and the happier that they are and the more they have those things that are precious to them, the happier I am and the happier I am for them.

What pleasure can there be in wanting to see someone all alone, without friends, without happiness and without love? When lives grow apart and when those people are no longer in your life, how can you possibly find contentment in their misery?

I'm happy, I'm content and I harbor no ill will or bad feelings toward anyone. Life has taught me that nothing is gained by that type of thinking. I'm thankful to God above for those he has brought into my life, to those who touched my life in many different ways, and I am hopeful that all continues to go well in their lives as well. I wish them well, I wish them every happiness and I would do nothing to try and change any of that for them.

Sadly, not everyone feels this way.

What achievement is there in being so selfish and so hate filled and so ill contented?

Everyone who has come in and out of my life has had a special place there, and while there are many who are no longer a part of my life, I'm thankful that they came into it when they did and I am thankful for the footprints their life left in mine. I can only wish them every happiness as their lives continue on and I hope they are always happy, content and loved.

Love is beautiful, love is kind, and if it's ever really there, it doesn't bear rotten fruit and it doesn't turn evil as it mutates. It simply changes in degree...

As does life, and all it holds for each of us.

And I'm thankful for where my journey has led me to at this point.

It's a nice place to be.

Requiem #9

Our lives are intertwining journeys, with crossing paths and forks in the road that we all wander, bringing to us along the way, our friends, our loves and our adventures together. Some lead, some follow, while others just try and catch up. Enjoy each step of the journey because you never know which step might be your last.

Missing You, Autumn

A few years ago I ran across a blogpage of someone who wrote the most amazing poetry and she and I met on here and became cyberfriends, both of us loving poetry and both of us enjoying what the other one wrote.

Then, as is the case so much of the time, things in her life and in mine got in the way and we unfortunately grew apart. As my entries decreased in frequency, her's simply stopped altogether. It's been over 2 1/2 years since this gifted lady made an entry, and while I know she is busy with her life and with the lives of her children, there is an absence on the net since she quit writing, and I so wish she would make a comeback and start writing again. Her poems were so dynamic and I miss reading new ones from her.

With that being said, I understand that life sometimes does get in the way, but I hope somehow she wanders upon this entry of mine and maybe makes an attempt at making a comeback on here. Her words and poems are truly missed, as is she.

Autumn, if you happen upon this entry, know, my dear friend, that you are missed and I hope someday you come back and start writing and blogging again. I miss you beyond words.

...and the adventure truly continues...

So, it's been announced that we just endured the snowiest and coldest Winter on record here in Indiana...that was a record I could have enjoyed not breaking.

This has been a long Winter as well, and has tested the nerves and patience of many.

So called "maintenance" on a propane pipeline, driving up the price of LP gas during a record cold Winter, a supposed "shortage" on LP, record heat usage, record electric usage, damage to crops due to a drought on the West Coast, driving up prices on groceries for the next few months...

There's always a reason to soak the little man out of as much money as possible, isn't there?

I wonder what other wondrous things we have to look forward to as this long ass Winter just continues to rob us of our sanity and our financial resources...

At least we have a concerned Congress looking out for us...

yeah, right....

Perception of Ego

The written word and how it is perceived never ceases to amaze me.

In some people's lives, it's always written about them and never about anyone else.

"You're So Vain" by Carly Simon is a perfect example of what I mean. So many took those words to be written about them. Only Carly knows for sure.

Facebook posts are another common area of misconception. I've seen the biggest arguments over simple posts that one took as being directed at them. And try as you might, in some cases, you'll never convince some that those words weren't written about them.

Are egos really that damned huge?

Hence my following statement:

This wasn't written with you in mind.

36

Connection
Communication
Conversation
Flirtation
Admiration
Fluctuation
Hestitation
Adulation
Creation
Compassion
Devotion
Persuasion
Elation
Pure, undying
Love

Valentines Day 2014

Despite Mother Nature being a fickle bitch this year and dumping even more snow on us, we were able to have a most wonderful and intimate Valentines Day celebration here at home.

Peggy stopped and visited her Dad at the nursing home this evening for a bit, and then she ordered and picked us up a delicious steak dinner from local restaurant Mezcal and brought it home and we dined in front of our family room fireplace.

After our dinner, we exchanged gifts with each other and are now planning on spending a very nice and quiet Valentines Day evening at home, sharing the special day with each other.

I have been so very blessed to have had this woman in my life for nearly 40 years now. Next Saturday will mark our 36th wedding anniversary. It's so hard to imagine it's been that many years.

Happy Valentines Day to all of you, my Faithful Few.

How Sweet It Is

lying
lonely
bleeding
beaten
yet smiling
the taste of victory
still
sweet
upon his
tongue,
accomplishing
that,
which no one
else could.
he didn't
rise
he only
remained
lying
knowledge
exploding
that he had
indeed
lost a battle
but totally
won
the war.

Pookie

Make no mistake you're never
Alone
Regardless of the miles
Leaving us separated without each other
Even tho we are very much together in spirit,
Never alone
Enjoying that special time to share.

Very intense emotions upon us both
Inside we feel
Courageous, yet empty.
Enveloping that aura,
Not knowing the intensity of its power,
Taking us to the core of our brother and sisterhood
Each of us together, yet separated and alone.

Six or Duck

I don't have all the facts, I don't have all the figures...but I'm amazed at the news...

Damn, a member of the Duck Dynasty family lost his job because he showed his true colors as a racist and an anti-gay Christian...he did this, as I understand, on his own time and in his own home...but what did his contract with the network require of him because no one wants to talk about that...

The media is eating this up, as is the world of social media...

Countless posts, and I do mean so many I don't want to count them all, one view or the other, regarding Phil Robertson, and him being fired by A & E because of his comments...

Now...

Six American soldiers lose their lives on duty for this nation of ours in a foreign land and they garner a quick short story on the news...

I have 1,173 friends on Facebook and I saw not ONE single comment regarding these six lives lost...

In all fairness, I do not see all the posts of all my friends...I miss lots every single day...but wouldn't you think I would see just one?

But I didn't...

Not one...

And that bothers me...

As a pacifist and as an American, folks, that bothers me...

Six soldiers families lives are changed forever and not one post that I have seen...

A family whose wealth is reported as over 80 million dollars has a family member who gets fired by a television network because of comments he made that were pretty slanted and racist, and the world of social media and media jumps on it like it's the worst thing that could happen to them...

Yet six soldiers die, their family's lives are changed forever, and not one comment on my Facebook page for me to read regarding this even happening...

This shit bothers ME!

By the way, I pick SIX!!!

M-V-P

Every morning
Over my coffee
She brings a smile to me
Every noontime
A synopsis
Of
Her day.
Every evening
Kind words
And support
To
Get me thru.
Every night
The sisterly love
Within her
Soul.

Time To Enjoy

The holidays are drawing near and in years past, because of the rush of Christmas customers at the post office, I had a hard time getting into the spirit of the holidays. It wasn't something that I was concious of but it happened nonetheless.

I used to try and get my Christmas shopping done before the season really got going, but most years that just wasn't possible. A few years ago I had my shopping done by September first...last year I got done by December 5th I believe.

This year, I'm done with shopping. That last final gift was purchased yesterday and will be delivered to me tomorrow. No standing in long lines at the checkout, no fighting for a place to park or fight to grab the special gift. It's done, it's over, and all that is left now is to wrap those gifts, not my strong point by any means, and then the Christmas cards will be made out and readied to go into the mail next week as Thanksgiving approaches.

We will enjoy Thanksgiving with family, we will be able to get our Christmas decorating done and lights lit up AFTER Thanksgiving, which is really the way it should be. Thanksgiving should be allowed to stand alone as its own holiday and on its own merits. It's one of those holidays I look so forward to because there's no rush involved, no gifts that just have to be bought. Food is prepared, set on the table and family spends time together and simply enjoys being together.

Then comes Christmas, and for me, once again this year, we can turn our lights and tree on after Thanksgiving and enjoy the special season celebrating the birth of our Lord and Saviour. We can enjoy seeing everyone's lights, watch those special shows on TV that we enjoy seeing this time of year and all in all, just enjoy the season without all the rush and overkill that so many let run and ruin their Christmas season.

And after Christmas, my favorite relaxing holiday of New Years Eve and New Years Day. Special recipes, a table full of food, a few beers to relax to, a few drinks of Peg's choosing, and then, our celebratory bottle of Asti Spumante, shared with each other in our special trumpet glasses that only get used that one time each year. No company, no parties, just movies on the DVD player and snuggles, hugs and hopefully time in the hottub and a nice peaceful and quiet evening, full of love and sharing between just the two of us.

Yes, absolutely, let those holidays begin!

Concert Season 2013 Finale

In what was actually supposed to be our opening concert in June but postponed due to a forecast of severe thunderstorms and possible tornadoes, the rescheduled Pink Droyd concert closed out our Live By The Levee concert series on September 21st.

What a way to close out a season!

I've been a Pink Floyd fan for years, not someone who just recently decided the band was good. I've been a fan since they debuted with The Piper At The Gates Of Dawn and thru the end of their tenure as one of the most influential bands of the 20th Century.

The tribute band Pink Droyd brought their massive show to the stage of Riverside Park and coupled their performance with an amazing laser light show that literally blew the minds the nearly 3,000 who came to witness the final free concert of the 2013 season.

Pink Droyd, from Fort Wayne, Indiana, surprised even me with their nearly spot on renditions of Floyd classics, from the opening bars of Shine On You Crazy Diamond to the closing bars of Run Like Hell two and a half hours later. The show and music was stellar, hypnotic and totally kozmic as hell!

Had this show actually been held on its originally scheduled date in June, the laser light show would not have been nearly as effective because it wouldn't have been dark enough for the show to be as mesmerizing.

The band members were all very congenial, fun to work with and amazingly humble.

I can only hope we are fortunate enough to have these gentlemen grace our stage once again.

If you weren't there and you ever get the chance, catch this phenomenal tribute band live...you won't be sorry you did!

Truly Soulmates

I was fortunate enough this past weekend to get to go on a weekend camping trip to Brown County State Park with my brother in law and a friend of his from where he works. We had a great time, some guy time and some bonding time, which is good for the soul, but it was also a time for me to truly appreciate how fortunate I am in my life to have found my soulmate all those many years ago and to have been blessed to have been married to her for almost 36 years and to have spent close to 38 years of my life with her.

I'm very blessed to have a brother in law with whom I share so much in common and I'm also glad he and I can do things together and remain close friends as well as brothers in law.

As much fun as we had, however, did not take away from me the yearning to be back home with my wife, because I truly missed her beyond any words I have to describe the incompleteness I felt without her by my side. Even linked by our cellphones didn't match being able to reach out and to touch her and feel her physical presence as well as that of her soul.

Those who know us, know how deeply our bond to each other is connected. Those who don't know us can sense it and know that we share something special. Those that don't know either of us can still sense there is something between us that no distance in the world can ever separate or break apart.

Mediocre? Mundane? Routine?

Hardly...

A Mayberry type of existence?

Possibly, and what the hell is wrong with that? I sort of dig being compared to those souls who lived in Mayberry on the Andy Griffith Show.

Next week is our October vacation. A special time for us and one we never take for granted. Fifteen years ago we spent six days of that vacation apart and we've made up for it ever since. Not just in October, but each and every day of the year.

Special plans next week? Absolutely!

Going away together and shutting the world out for a few brief moments? You bet!

Two souls joined forever, walking hand in hand, arm in arm and sharing all of life's adventures together.

I thank God everyday for blessing me with my soulmate and making her the single biggest blessing ever in my life.

No one could have ever made me as happy as she has all these years and no one could ever hold a candle to her.

I see champagne, a hottub and deep romance next week...

And deep seated and remarkable love and devotion everyday after that.

Once again, thank you God!

Madison Rising - The Star Spangled Banner

Although this version is not to everyone's liking, to me, this is one of the most stirring versions of our National Anthem I have had the pleasure of hearing in a long, long time.  I hope you'll take the four minutes it takes to view this and I hope you enjoy it as well.

C'mon October

While I love the Summer and the warm and pleasant weather, nothing seems to get my blood really pumping like October does.

Crisp morning air, cooler temps, bright sunshine, beautiful fall colors and something simply in the air makes me feel more alive during this month than at any other time of year.

Some people say they hate October for varying reasons. Some because everything is dying, others because cold Winter weather is not too far off. Others for various and other sundry reasons, but to me, it's not a time of dying, it's a time of renewal, a time for different aspects of Mother Nature to go to sleep and re-energize for another glorious season of life a few short months down the road.

Sure, Winter is just around the corner, but Winter has its benefits as well, and while I am by no means a Winter weather person, I see the benefits of the Winter months as well. I just hope come late January you can remind of some of those benefits.

Now, I am not wishing the rest of Summer and September away, I am merely anticipating the arrival of October and the gorgeous Autumn weather that accompanies it. I anticipate that special vacation that Peggy and I take each year at this time, and nothing awakens me more than to spend that time with her, outdoors, either in Indiana or in the mountains of Virginia, North Carolina or Tennessee. That is a total winning combination!

Wherever you are, north, south, east or west of where I am, I hope you can appreciate and enjoy the beauty of the most glorious month of the year...October!

Three weeks and counting...