Decisions, Decisions

This is a postscript to my last posting.

You know, I try very hard not to whine and complain and about my aches and pains, but you know, this past few months has taken such a toll on me, I can't begin to tell you how bad it has really been.

After going thru two carpal tunnel surgeries and my physical therapy sessions, I truly thought I had this problem licked. As I've stated before, my right surgery went so well at first, and sixteen hours after surgery my carpal tunnel pain had gone. Other than the pain where I had the surgery itself, I was amazed at how good I felt.

Then came surgery number two on the left hand, and things didn't go so well with it. It was the worse of the two, and it didn't respond quite as well at first. But, after continual visits to physical therapy and therapy done at home and after returning to work, things with the left hand really started getting better.

Now, about two to three weeks ago, new pain began surfacing in the right shoulder, arm, wrist and hand. This pain, however, was much different than what I had had before surgery. This pain can only be described as excruciating at times, and it feels like my arm, shoulder and wrist are being crushed constantly. There are very few positions that I can put my arm in that I'm not in damned near sheer agony! Sleep is becoming harder and harder to accomplish, and for someone who suffers from chronic insomnia to begin with, let me tell you, this really sucks.

I've tried taking the meds prescribed by both my neurologist and my surgeon. The really "good stuff" that they gave me after both surgeries is gone now, but even before I ran out of it, it didn't seem to do much good. The neurologist has me on muscle relaxers three times a day and the surgeon has me on a non-narcotic pain pill, and though they seem to help a little, the pain persists. I go to work each day, do my job to its fullest, and then come home in the evening and endure an entire evening of sheer hell with my arm.

The neurologist explained to me a few months ago before I had my surgeries that I had degenerative arthritis of the spine and that the spurs that had formed from that were pushing into my nerves, causing me the pain in my right arm. After four weeks of PT, most of that pain had subsided. Now, unfortunately, it's decided to return, worse than before and with an unbelieveable intensity.

He tells me surgery in that area is too risky, so, here I am, trying to handle the pain with exercise here at home and mild pain medication. I'm hoping that soon, the exercises start strengthening that area of my spine and that the pain will begin to subside. Unfortuntately, it's hot happening soon enough to suit me.

So, I guess now I wait and see what happens, because, frankly, my sick leave is about gone from work and I can't afford time off again. Hopefully with my dedication to my therapy here at home and with the docs' prescriptions and a few prayers, maybe someday in the near future I'll feel more like myself again.

And as bad as I feel and as sorry as I've felt for myself, I look around and see so many others that are so worse off than myself, and I feel guilty that I'm so self-centered about this pain I'm having. Lord, I don't have cancer, I have all my limbs and I'm able to go to work each day and I'm able to put a smile on my face and try and do what I like to do with my job and that's give my customers 110% of myself each and everyday and try and make them happy. I hope I can keep doing this each day, because, honestly, it's getting harder to put that smile on my face each day as this pain persists.

But I'm sure going to keep trying.

I'm also really going to try and get on here more and do my thing with my writing, because I really miss making my regular entries. It's also nice to hear I've been missed, whether it's been by a posted comment or by someone telling me in person. I appreciate hearing that from you folks, I truly do.

So, I'm done whining for the evening, and I thank you all for putting up with my gloomy side tonight. I promise to do better next time and try not to cry on your shoulders.

Now, I might consider letting the United Arab Emirates take over my pain for me....hmmmmm.