Fuming Confusion

Like an invading spirit,
Doubt,
like an invading cancer,
Ate thru the security and barrier
Of my psyche,
Creating a questioning,
Causing me to look backward,
Ignoring forward momentum,
Begetting indecision,
Allowing thoughts of inadequacy
To become a pendulum
Of searing and spiraling
Deeply embedded emotions.

How does one escape that which bears no
Reason to escape from?
Why does one continually feel the
Insecurity
That truly doesn't exist?
How can one finally move away
Trek forward
And break free from a self-created
Prison
That binds me, ties me down and holds me back?

Clarity arrives, yet only in small
Moments.
I wonder of the eventuality of
Truth,
That still shields itself from me.
I damn you, over and over
Not wanting to blame you, but myself,
Yet the reality of the situation
Is clear, yet I try to view it thru
A smoky haze.
I cease to see the honesty I hold onto.

The heart continues to harden,
The spirit of love continues to die
As the cancer spreads,
And eats away at my heart and my soul.

You've had your chance,
You hold no feelings for the ones who so much
Wanted nothing more than just to
Feel you in their hearts,
And know that you desired nothing
At all, but to be the demon
That you have been
All along.

But I'm seeing clearer,
I will rise above
This shitpile you yourself assembled,
And I will break free,
One day soon,
I will break free.

Sanctuary!