I have no wishes for you this holiday season.
No good wishes, but no bad ones, either.
You see, you no longer exist to me.
You left my heart and the place you held there years ago.
I feel no remorse over these feelings, but I feel no happiness to be having them for that matter.
You are not really dead to me, but are no longer real to me as well.
Memories of you are fading, and they are fading fast.
The memories that were good now seem like distant dreams.
The memories of you which were bad are similar to nightmares from long ago, and you can't quite remember what it was about them that scared you so.
I know it wasn't meant to be this way, but you left me no choice.
A heart can only stand so much pain that it finally either has to break, or it has to defend itself in the best way possible so it can avoid the hurt, the pain and, of course, the eventual breaking that comes along with it.
There is nowhere that you stand within the confines of my heart.
You're actually now on the outside and you hold no true place there anymore.
I know you'll never read these words, that doesn't bother me in the slightest.
Part of my healing is to put these words down and purge that last little bit of you out of my soul, and that has now been done.
I can't wish you good.
I won't wish you bad.
How can I?
You aren't really real anymore, are you?
I don't care if you're happy.
I don't care if you're sad.
I don't care if you are alive.
I don't care if you are dead.
You are, after all, no longer real, so what does it matter?
I'm so much better off without the unrealness of you in my life.
Who were you, really, anyway?
4 comments:
Wow, that's really sensitive and open. I like it.
Sometimes a hole in your heart never fills in. It just remains empty. You just have to stop looking there.
Thanks, and yes, you are right. It's like mortar falling out from between bricks, I guess. You have a great perception of things, and I know one of these days when I find out just who you are it's going to really surprise me. Thanks for commenting!
RD1952
Bless you my friend. The healing has now begun.
Tracy
Indeed it has, Tracy. It's been a long time coming. I think this was what needed to be done to set myself on this course, so there we are, the first step has been taken. God bless you and you and Dana and family have a very blessed Christmas this year. So proud to say that you are my friends.
Charlie
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