Sometimes...

Into my sixth decade
It's taken me to
Realize
That
Sometimes, I love too much.

Out of my heart
Burst emotions
Blazing forth
And
Cutting a path
To those in my life
That touch my soul
And nourish me
As I live on.

I can't control the depth
Of
These emotions,
As they seem to have a mind
Of their own.

I give so much of myself
And I do it without
Being aware
Until the inevitable hurt
Comes blazing back at me.
Sometimes, I love too much.

As wonderful as love feels,
When the hurt returns back,
Travelling back at me
And
Without warning
The pain far exceeds the feeling
Of wonder
And cuts into my heart,
My soul
and
Every fiber of my being,
Splitting me open
As the lifeblood that is my
Soul
Runs out of me
Leaving me empty
And
Drained.

Sometimes, I love too much.

Yet,
I can't harness my heart,
I can't imprison my emotions
Though I keep seeking a way to do both.

Very few ever return
The depth of that love
But throw the javelin
Of hatred with unequalled
Force,
Penetrating that which is
Me,
And they smile and enjoy
As they do so.
Sometimes, I love too much.

The time is winding down
On this clock we call
Life,
And within that clock
The mainspring loosens
The energy disipates
The force empties out
And more pain exists than pleasure,
Leaving me to wonder,
Has it all been worth it?

The answer will not reveal itself
In this life
But in what comes after
And maybe then
I'll have the answer
And finally discover
If,
Sometimes, I love too much.