Sleep

This one, so required,
Seems to eternally evade
My company,
Spending its longer moments
With others, thus avoiding
Me.
As the world relishes in
Its presence
I continue the
Ever swirling
Downspire,
And lose what
Control
I might have ever
Possessed.

Liberate

freedom,
it exists, only in the mind,
for to be truly free
is only a dream,
and i keep waking
up.

33?

Hands full of nothing
Pockets full of empty
Stagnant thoughts
Impure heart
Decisions awaiting
Shrouded in confusion
Apathy abounding.

inmate

imprisoned in this cage called
life,
awaiting to be
fed.

Recovery Update

Forgive me for not adding sooner than I have, but limited to using my left hand when I'm right handed makes this a real chore.

I had a follow up appointment with Dr Kollias yesterday and found out that I had a complete rotator cuff tear and not a partial. The entire tendon was torn.

The doctor removed the dressing, all five incisions are healing nicely, the stitches have been absorbed and there is still some minor swelling. I will be in my sling until April 13th which is the date of my first physical therapy appointment. Five days after that, April 18th, I will return to work with restrictions until July 2nd, when I should be able to return to full duty.

I am continuing with home therapy three times daily and had my exercises increased as well. The doctor is real pleased with my progress in this area, too.

I'm still sleeping sitting in the recliner, which sucks, but trying to lie down is much too painful.

Boredom increases with each passing day.

Peggy continues to be a wonderful and patient nurse but I'm sure I'm testing that patience.

I hate being such a burden.

That's all for now.

My thanks to you all for the personal inquiries and the words of encouragement so many of you have been sending. I cherish each one of those messages and they do indeed help in the healing process.

Thanks for not forgetting about me.

Each one of you mean the world to me and I appreciate your thoughts, prayers and support.

Until next time!

devotion

thousands of miles apart,
yet when I screamed into the
night,
somehow you heard me
and came running...

AHS 3/17/2011

A few shots of what the former Arlington High School looked like at the end of the contractors workday on St Patricks Day. This not only kills my spirit but it makes me feel physically ill. Weather permitting, more shots to follow in the days to come.

AHS

This is a tough week. Not only am I still healing from shoulder surgery, not only has someone who disappeared from our lives 6 years ago been trying to reenter, but the school I lived next to for the first 18 years of my life and that I attended until I was a sophomore is being demolished.

In my present one armed state, I haven't been able to take any pictures...yet.

I'm hoping to rectify that tomorrow.

I feel like a part of me is dying right now.

Cure

Life is pain
Pain is life
You live in pain
Throughout your life.
Death relieves pain,
Forever...

And Now

After all these years
All these long years,
You seem to think that you can
Jump
Right back in the seat
You used to ride in.

I don't think so...

Battle Weary

Pain is time,
Time is pain.
There's too much time
There's too much pain.

As years go by
Pain seems to increase
Time moves more slowly
Pain feels like a disease.

I close my eyes
To shield the pain
Yet as times creeps by
There the pain is again.

So I wait and I try
To live thru the pain
And hope that I win
This war with time again.

After The Fun

Surgery was a success, the tear was twice as big as the MRI showed. I'm in a lot of pain but getting it under control. Doing 7 sets of exercises 3 times a day and go back to see the surgeon on St Patricks Day.

These pictures show me before surgery, after surgery and mugging for the camera.

I'll be posting as soon as the pain level goes down some.

13 Hours And Counting

Well, in 13 hours I will be undergoing my surgery to repair a torn right rotator cuff. Having had shoulder surgery nearly 11 years ago, I have to say this is NOT something I am looking forward to, but I realize it is something that needs to be done.

I'm not sure what to expect, because a lot of advances have been made, I'm sure, with this type of surgery. However, I am also eleven years older than I was the last time I went thru something similar to this. I'm not sure how my body is going to handle the pain factor this time, but I guess we'll find out soon enough.

With that being said, I'm not sure when I'll be posting again. I'm right hand dominant, so even though I remember typing with one hand 11 years ago, I'm not sure how my left hand will handle that task. Therefore, you may not be seeing any posts from me for a while.

I hope that's not the case.

I do ask, if you are a praying person, to please say an extra prayer for me the next time you and the Lord talk. I need all the help I can get.

Thanks for your thoughts, your positive energy and thanks for hanging in there with me while I get thru this.

Peace to you all!

Waiting on Waiting...

The top floor suite, left side, is where Peggy and I spent the past few days celebrating our anniversary, the end of winter and enjoying some quality time before my upcoming surgery on March 2nd.

We spent a very relaxing past few days, albeit a couple of them were really plagued by some very intense pain in my right shoulder. I'm off several of my meds now in preparation for the surgery, so the pain has been increasing the last week and half or so.

Monday, I have to take an unexpected day off from work for a pre-surgery screening on the northwest side of Indy. Hopefully I pass this exam with flying colors and am able to go to work for the last time for a few weeks on Tuesday.

After working Tuesday, Peggy and I will head to Indy to a hotel room we rented for a couple of nights and then I have surgery on Wednesday morning at 9:30AM, head back to the hotel for a day of recovery, then up Thursday AM, a drive to Fishers to the OrthoIndy office for a day after follow up appointment, and then back home to start the healing and therapeutic process.

As the time grows closer, thoughts and worries begin racing thru my mind. I haven't yet decided whether this will be my last entry before surgery or not.

If it is, I'll be back with you all sometime later on, no doubt to be determined by the pain factor.

If not, I'll probably make one more entry to really lay out how I'm feeling.

I will just be glad when this is all over.

Daytona 500, 2011

Well, all I can say is congratulations to 20 year old Trevor Bayne on winning a caution plagued Daytona 500. The young man showed his ability all thru Speedweeks and proved he can indeed run with the big boys in just his second Sprint Cup race.

By no stretch of the imagination was this one of my favorite 500's. The new track surface and the new aero package with the cars has given the race a whole new look. Two car groups, bump drafting all around the track and lead pack breakaways tended to take a bit of the excitement away from the fans watching. While there were still large packs of cars, they were all split into pairs and the cars up front tended to be able to pull away from the field at will.

The good news was that Jimmie Johnson was involved in a 17 car Daytona "big one" and finished the race many laps down. That in itself will bring me back to the tv next Sunday to see just how he performs at Phoenix. I can only hope for more of the same.

As much as I would have loved to have seen my favorite driver, the Rushville Rocket, Tony Stewart win, I told Peggy with six laps to go if Tony couldn't win this year it would be great to see Trevor Bayne win.

And indeed it was!

I would give this race six and half out of ten stars.

Rushville, That's Where I Come From

A friend of mine, Brian Sheehan, has put together a video of our hometown that I find amazing. These pictures cover many, many years. I had to share this video, because it does indeed show that side of my hometown that most people tend to overlook.

Thanks, Brian.

Countdown

The countdown is on.

Less than two weeks now until surgery to repair the torn rotator cuff in my right shoulder. After work tomorrow evening I begin a week's vacation for a little R & R before the big day.

Hopefully my mind can be occupied next week with a very relaxing and enjoyable vacation, as the week after I plan on working a couple of days and then have surgery on Wednesday March 2nd.

Trying very hard to be optimistic but it's certainly a hard thing to do, having already experienced shoulder surgery once before.

Hopefully since eleven years has passed since the last one medical advances will enable the pain to not be as great as it was back then. After all, if you're going to dream, dream big, right?

Anyway, I can almost hear that clock ticking the minutes away...

...that I lived

Wandering, plundering
Confused, wondering
I never make you happy
I can't make you smile.

Deceiving, believing
Giving, receiving
I can never be enough
I'll never fit your style.

Staring, glaring
But always caring
This love we have together
Is like walking the last mile.

28 North a montage of pure fun at the Slippery Noodle Feb 3, 2011

It's hard to listen to a picture, and as luck would have it, a short montage was made of the 28 North appearance at the Slippery Noodle last Thursday night while we were there. This band is so genuinely awesome! If you get the chance, go see them next time they are in your area, and check out other videos of them at youtube.com

As always, before you start this video turn off the jukebox on the right!

Hope you enjoy these four young musicians.

Once again, Pittsburgh's own 28 North live at the Slippery Noodle!

The Moody Blues: Balance

Reminder: Turn of the jukebox on the right before starting this video.

Recently someone posted on Facebook that they have never known anyone who enjoys music the way that I do and how much it influences my life.

This song, decades old now, has always been a favorite of mine and one to which I identify myself.

Hope you enjoy it, not just for the melody but for the awesome recitation by Mike Pinder of the Moody Blues.