Saturday, November 21, 2015


down here
sinking, looking for
an exit,
a way out.
mired down
at what seems like
the speed of
no rebound,
no bounce,
no pulling out of the dive.
seeking light,
finding further
and yet another dead end
in this maze
i seem to be a prisoner in.
locked away,

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

my music, my life

Life becomes
And I no longer
Hear the

Monday, September 21, 2015


'tis best to leave the past buried
In the Past
and to live in the Now
And accept the Future.
Nothing is ever gained
By trying to relive
What has already been.

Friday, September 18, 2015


...just needing to confide in someone, get some advice, hear some motivational words...a great deal going on, a lot to discuss and the only one who can listen is yourself.

I'm a damned good listener but I don't know if I should follow my own advice or not.

Decisions, decisions...

Guess time will tell if I make the right ones or not....

Monday, July 20, 2015


So many confusing emotions right now, stirring up inside my head. Confusion, anger, hatred, just to beginning to name a few.

To rob someone who looks up to you, trusts you and loves you, and in a moment, you strip all that away and remove that for your own gratification.

Was it truly worth those few selfish moments?

What do you have left now, what little bit of your former life do you now have left?

Your friends are gone.

Your job is gone.

Your home, is no doubt gone.

No one loves you.

No one trusts you.

You are truly alone now.

How does your future look? Is there any sunshine there for you?

Do you like the bars across your windows, across your doors?

Are you enjoying the culinary cuisine?

Do you like someone being there with you, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week?

Do you have to constantly look over your shoulder, wondering if this is the day they finally grab hold of you, beat you senseless and do worse to you than what you did to your young and innocent victims?

You're a slime, a small glob of useless lifeforce that doesn't deserve the oxygen you take in to sustain your miserable life.

If you ever walk the streets, free at last or temporarily, you will be shunned, pointed at and so much hate and distrust will flow at you it might cut off your breathing for a few moments. You might, just possibly, be beaten worse than you were the first time when this all started coming to light.

You have admitted to at least eight victims, not the two you were accused of, but eight? Were these trophies to you? Were these accomplishments to you?

Hey, you sick twisted worthless piece of excrement, those eight were innocent lives that you have forever damaged for your own perverted desires. Those eight victims have parents, step parents and brothers and sisters. You've created so much damage to so many others, just so you could get your rocks off.

Grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends. You've done damage to all of them, and I truly don't think you care and I don't think you even feel a bit of regret and given the chance, I truly believe you'd do it again, for the same twisted reasons.

You're thirty years old.

You know better.

You obviously don't care.

You are truly alone now.

All alone.

No friends, no family that will claim you.

Prison is too good for you, Asshole. Life behind bars, secluded, away from those who want nothing more than to get their hands on you and get a bit of satisfaction as they beat the life from you.

You stole innocence. You took trust and you mutated love and threw honor away.

Was it worth it?

I hope what little bit of life you have left you spend beginning to comprehend the scope of what you have done and to so many.

Sadly, I hope you find a way to slip the rope around your neck or find the sharp object to slice open your veins.

And I hope your end comes, slow, lingering and painful. Sadly, even that will never make up for all the pain you have caused and all the trust you have stolen from so many.

To me, child molesters are the lowest form of life on this planet.

I'm ashamed that I know you and I'm ashamed that at one time I called you a friend.

God forgive me, but I truly fucking hate every fiber of your being.

Wednesday, May 06, 2015

Dream Fulfilled

I've had a secret desire for years, one that I didn't think I could physically do because of the shape I had let myself get into. A year ago at this time a simple walk outside caused me to be short of breath and I was actually becoming more and more inactive, and I didn't realize just how bad it was getting until people would ask me why I was so short of breath when I answered the phone. Sadly, I had only gone from one room to another to pick up the phone and this small walk caused me to be breathing thru my mouth...yeah, pretty pathetic.

I noticed a little over a year ago that two friends of ours were losing weight at a pretty remarkable rate so I asked them how they were doing it. A simply app on their smart phones called "Lose It!" was the piece of magic, as well as a determined attitude and daily walks.

So last year on May 22nd, my wife and I embarked on a similar journey, one that saw me walking over 8 miles nearly daily and counting calories and learning to eat differently. Now, the story isn't all rosy here, because after a dramatic 43 pound weight loss, this past Winter took a toll and I gained some weight back but I kept up with hitting the treadmill here at home until weather broke this Spring.

Last Fall, I decided to try and live up to a dream I had had for years, which was to participate in the One America 500 Festival Mini Marathon, which is held the first Saturday in May each year, announcing the month of May activities at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway and the Indianapolis 500. So, I registered, as did my influential friend Joe, and we planned on being in the half marathon.

This past Saturday, May 2nd, I fulfilled this dream by participating in the Mini. Joe and I walked each weekend for 5 weekends in a row and hit our 13.1 mile mark, bettering our previous week's time, all but one weekend when we made the mistake of walking in the evening instead of in the morning. We got our time down to 16:10 average per mile and were completing the 13.1 mile practice walks in just a little over 3 1/2 hours.

Last Saturday, in downtown Indianapolis, we were among 40,000 participants, on a beautiful and gorgeous Saturday, with a light breeze and bright, sunny skies. We were in the final wave, wave five, to cross the starting line at Washington and West Streets, and began a walk thru the streets of downtown Indianpolis, past the Zoo, the hospital complex and thru the Main Street area of Speedway, Indiana. Our journey included a lap around the legendary 2 1/2 mile oval of the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, and they a journey back towards downtown Indianapolis where our walk ended at the intersection of New York and West Streets.

Remarkably, we ended our walk in a record time for us of 3:20:36.6. This average brought us in at an average of 15:18 per mile, topping our best speed by nearly a minute a mile...we're guessing it was the atmosphere and the adrenalin that helped us achieve this, but it came with a bit of a price for me physically. I didn't know that my shoes and socks were not designed for this type of walking, and no doubt because of our increased speed, I managed, before the halfway point of the race, to get blisters on my right heel, as well as under the toes on both feet. I walked over 7 miles in terrible pain, that only continued to get worse as we walked.

Despite the pain, thanks to my friend's encouragement and our determination to fulfill our dream, we finished this walk and did something that a year ago would have been impossible for either one of us to achieve.

And yes, we've already registered for next year's race as well.

This year, our goal was twofold. Finish, and not finish last. Well, we finished, and when we crossed the finish line there was a mile long line of participants still behind us.

Next year our goal is to finish and better our time by one second. I don't see that being an issue, but I assure you I will have custom fit shoes and proper socks next year and do my best to avoid the problem I had this year. Trust me, I've not done a lot of walking since last Saturday and just this morning was able to put a sock on my right foot. Time will tell how I get along with that today. Hopefully it will be fine, because this weekend we are going to attend the IndyCar Grand Prix of Indianapolis and we will be doing a lot of walking to get our tickets and to get to our seats. Hopefully I'm up for that because I intend on attending two more events after the Grand Prix: Fast Friday and the 99th running of the Indianapolis 500.

I don't think this weekend I'll be leading Joe to our seats like this, however.

And lastly, I have to admit I never thought I would walk 13.1 miles for a beer, let alone an 8 ounce beer, but I did just that this past weekend. And I'm looking forward to doing it again next May when I participate in my second One America 500 Festival Indy Mini Marathon.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

continuation of blue

When we get so down
And feel we can't get
Any lower
We find ourselves
Deeper in that
Abyss of depression
And seek not a way
To climb out
But an end
To the feelings
That brought us here.

Friday, February 13, 2015


There's a magic about you
That warms my soul
There's a presence about you
That makes me feel whole.

When you're away from me
I feel such distress
The absence of you
Puts me under duress.

In and out of my life
You're there then you're not
And when you aren't there
I feel so disraught.

I'm glad that you're back
I hope that you'll always be near
And that we both understand
Why we are both here.

Bring your smile bring your wit
Bring a smile to my face
There's something you bring me
That no one can replace.

Some friendships are special
And worth the toil and the strife
But this friendship of ours
Quite frankly, saved my life.

Not a day goes by
That you don't cross my mind
I always cling to our friendship
And leave many other things behind.

Thanks for being here for me
And continuing to help me get thru
This life that I live
Would be incomplete without you.

Saturday, February 07, 2015

Fanatics Unite!

Okay, let's see...

Men of God, understanding, compassionate and devoted to spreading the word of God. Respecting the rights of others and respectful of others' feelings.

So, why do I see so called men, and women of God, preaching hatred and religious and political bias?

Churches, and their websites, trying to discredit the beliefs of others that disagree with their own doesn't seem a very Christian thing to me. Yet it's there, I see it, and I'm confused and disillusioned by it and by them and quite frankly, it's them that makes me happy that I don't attend church anymore or follow any organized religion. I have my beliefs, I have my trust in God, but I do NOT think God wants us following hate filled spewings of so called men and women of God who do nothing more than the religions they discredit do.

I read and hear men of God telling us how wrong the Muslims are and how they are filled with hatred of Christians, but isn't that exactly what the "Christians" are doing when they teach this crap???

How about the ones who tell us that all liberals and Democrats are Godless people who don't follow the teachings of God? Let's see, does my Bible not teach to judge not lest ye be judged? Should it read, judge not, lest ye be judged, unless you are a member of my political party and share the same prejudicial beliefs as I do?

And they continue to teach and preach and convey that they are right when in reality they are only spreading a message of bias and hate.

A Christian is supposed to be someone who is used of God. A fanatic is someone who uses God.

I think many of these so called Christians are in reality the latter...

Since they seem to teach and believe that ALL Muslims are evil and Godless and they seem to be possess these same qualities, does that not, in their way of thinking, mean that all Christians are evil and Godless?

The controversy continues...