You tell me you hate the silence
And then I ask you why
Yet you never take the time
To give me a reply.
While I don't dig it either
Sometimes it seems best to do
Some quiet time, some cooling off
So my words don't cause hurt to you.
You tell me you hate the silence
And then you go and abscond
I await your answer as I always do
And then, YOU don't respond.
I guess silence is indeed golden.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
In Sickness, In Health, Good Times and Bad, Sometimes Things Just Go Sucky
This wonderful bug that is passing thru our nation right now at an unbelievable and nearly epidemic pace has taken its toll on yours truly.
Quite badly, indeed.
My wife and I took a much needed vacation two weeks ago and made an escape from reality to celebrate our 30th anniversary(yes, I know, she does indeed deserve a medal for putting up with me all those years) and then last week I had arranged a week off from work, beginning on my birthday, to take care of her after her undergoing shoulder repair surgery last Tuesday. I felt it was the least I could do having had similar surgery 8 years ago and knowing full well what she was in for in the department of not only pain but of the limitations having only one useful limb can have.
The day before her surgery, I began feeling a creepy feeling coming over me, sniffles, cough, etc. The day of surgery, I put on the best front I could and acted my way, an Oscar winning perfomance, no less, and acted as if all was well. She came thru surgery with flying colors, was released from the hospital, and I got her home and fixed us supper that first evening.
I was really feeling subpar by this time.
The following day I did all the things I was supposed to do, fixing meals, cleaning house, doing dishes, etc. As the day wore on, I began to wear down. By evening, I was full blown sick but trying my best not to show it.
The following morning, her first therapy appointment at hand, and my fever had reached just shy of 104 degrees. Needless to say, I didn't get to take her to therapy, make a meal, or anything else, either.
After two days of taking care of someone who has cared so much for me over the years and gone way above and beyond the call of duty, I had to rely on the efforts of family and friends, as I could do nothing more than take trips to the bathroom. I slept nearly all the way around the clock for the next few days.
I discovered my family doctor was out of the country, adding insult to injury, and finally, after being nearly nagged to death, I went to a walk in clinic at the local hospital last night and received my diagnois of severe respiratory viral infection plus a round of antibiotics to take as well as some killer cough medicine with codeine.
At my insistence, I asked the doc if I could please get back to work as soon as possible. He gave me the go ahead to return to work this Thursday, warning me that I was still probably a week away from feeling like my old self and also warned me that this particular virus is hard to shake. Trust me, I believe him.
Anyway, my intentions to be a good guy were once again thwarted by cirumstances out of my control. Such is the cruelness of life, sometimes.
For those of you who have had to deal with this virus, I can identify and sympathize. For those of you who will be getting it, I don't envy you, I can only warn you to get to the doc as soon as you feel the first signs coming on, it's a nasty booger, for sure.
There will also be those of you who manage to miss it entirely, and for those of you, I admire you and am happy for you because you've no idea just how lucky you are.
And with that having been written, it's back to the blanket, the handkerchief and the big mug of water I keep putting into my body.
Come on, spring!
Quite badly, indeed.
My wife and I took a much needed vacation two weeks ago and made an escape from reality to celebrate our 30th anniversary(yes, I know, she does indeed deserve a medal for putting up with me all those years) and then last week I had arranged a week off from work, beginning on my birthday, to take care of her after her undergoing shoulder repair surgery last Tuesday. I felt it was the least I could do having had similar surgery 8 years ago and knowing full well what she was in for in the department of not only pain but of the limitations having only one useful limb can have.
The day before her surgery, I began feeling a creepy feeling coming over me, sniffles, cough, etc. The day of surgery, I put on the best front I could and acted my way, an Oscar winning perfomance, no less, and acted as if all was well. She came thru surgery with flying colors, was released from the hospital, and I got her home and fixed us supper that first evening.
I was really feeling subpar by this time.
The following day I did all the things I was supposed to do, fixing meals, cleaning house, doing dishes, etc. As the day wore on, I began to wear down. By evening, I was full blown sick but trying my best not to show it.
The following morning, her first therapy appointment at hand, and my fever had reached just shy of 104 degrees. Needless to say, I didn't get to take her to therapy, make a meal, or anything else, either.
After two days of taking care of someone who has cared so much for me over the years and gone way above and beyond the call of duty, I had to rely on the efforts of family and friends, as I could do nothing more than take trips to the bathroom. I slept nearly all the way around the clock for the next few days.
I discovered my family doctor was out of the country, adding insult to injury, and finally, after being nearly nagged to death, I went to a walk in clinic at the local hospital last night and received my diagnois of severe respiratory viral infection plus a round of antibiotics to take as well as some killer cough medicine with codeine.
At my insistence, I asked the doc if I could please get back to work as soon as possible. He gave me the go ahead to return to work this Thursday, warning me that I was still probably a week away from feeling like my old self and also warned me that this particular virus is hard to shake. Trust me, I believe him.
Anyway, my intentions to be a good guy were once again thwarted by cirumstances out of my control. Such is the cruelness of life, sometimes.
For those of you who have had to deal with this virus, I can identify and sympathize. For those of you who will be getting it, I don't envy you, I can only warn you to get to the doc as soon as you feel the first signs coming on, it's a nasty booger, for sure.
There will also be those of you who manage to miss it entirely, and for those of you, I admire you and am happy for you because you've no idea just how lucky you are.
And with that having been written, it's back to the blanket, the handkerchief and the big mug of water I keep putting into my body.
Come on, spring!
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Fifty-Six
Shun the feelings, however good or bad,
Kick the dirt off
Your muddy boots
And begin the new journey
Of a thousand new suns
And thousands of new miles
And add distance between the pains
Of yesterday
Moving towards
The uncertainties
Of tomorrow,
With no regrets
And no looks behind me.
Kick the dirt off
Your muddy boots
And begin the new journey
Of a thousand new suns
And thousands of new miles
And add distance between the pains
Of yesterday
Moving towards
The uncertainties
Of tomorrow,
With no regrets
And no looks behind me.
A Good Buy?
the goodbyes we hear
the goodbyes we speak
are the same goodbyes
that keep us alive
and ever-searching
the goodbyes we speak
are the same goodbyes
that keep us alive
and ever-searching
Friday, February 15, 2008
Brief Hiatus
As is the usual custom this time of year I will be offline for a few days for some annual R and R. After getting thru another Christmas season and half of tax season it's past time for me to get out of the daily grind for a week or so and give the mind and body a much needed rest. Hopefully within the next week to ten days I should be back with more writing to try and keep my Faithful Few interested in coming back here time and time again.
I thank you for your continued support and look forward to adding more in the not too distant future. Until my return, as always, I wish you
PEACE!
I thank you for your continued support and look forward to adding more in the not too distant future. Until my return, as always, I wish you
PEACE!
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Undeserving
Words and praise
I don't deserve
Expectations I cannot live up to
The same words that make one smile
Can also make them feel so
Insignificant
And so small
I don't deserve the accolades
I don't deserve credit
For only seeing
What others failed to see.
I am, after all,
Only me.
I don't deserve
Expectations I cannot live up to
The same words that make one smile
Can also make them feel so
Insignificant
And so small
I don't deserve the accolades
I don't deserve credit
For only seeing
What others failed to see.
I am, after all,
Only me.
Thursday, February 07, 2008
Movement 694
I feel the stinging goodbye
And shake my head
To clear the velocity
Of the emotional impact
I'm left with.
And shake my head
To clear the velocity
Of the emotional impact
I'm left with.
Monday, February 04, 2008
Trying To Decide, Postscript
After Sunday night's Super Bowl I think justice was served and the whole world got to see the phony dynasty crumble. Nothing was more evident of this than when the Patriot coach walked off the field showing he was nothing more than a sore loser. Personal opinion of mine is that New England should have never been allowed to be in the championship game after being found guilty of the cheating escapade earlier this year.
Congrats to a class act Eli Manning and the New York Giants, 2008 World Champions.
You made a nation smile last night.
Congrats to a class act Eli Manning and the New York Giants, 2008 World Champions.
You made a nation smile last night.
Not Readily Available
sometimes answers stay hidden
from us,
leaving us to search on our own
and hope we find the solution
that up until now
has remained out of sight,
out of mind,
and out of
reach.
still, we seek...
from us,
leaving us to search on our own
and hope we find the solution
that up until now
has remained out of sight,
out of mind,
and out of
reach.
still, we seek...
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Swimming For An Eternity
Almost a decade has passed
Since I stood amongst an auburn forest
And nearly drowned in one of two green
Pools that robbed me of my breath
And pulled me under the shimmering
Surface.
And now, almost a decade later,
I find myself once again
Dreaming of that forest and those pools
And wondering this time
If I could tread the water
Or once again nearly drown.
Since I stood amongst an auburn forest
And nearly drowned in one of two green
Pools that robbed me of my breath
And pulled me under the shimmering
Surface.
And now, almost a decade later,
I find myself once again
Dreaming of that forest and those pools
And wondering this time
If I could tread the water
Or once again nearly drown.
Trying To Decide
An item I've been pondering for days now:
If New England ends up winning the Super Bowl, will they go down in history as the first team to ever cheat their way to a perfect season?
If New England ends up winning the Super Bowl, will they go down in history as the first team to ever cheat their way to a perfect season?
Desires
Bolt of lightning crashing down,
Igniting a fire
In the nether regions
And demanding a release
Of damning need
Of wanton desire.
Visions arise out of the ashes
Of memories long
Hidden,
Awakening that part of me
I let lay to rest years past.
Igniting a fire
In the nether regions
And demanding a release
Of damning need
Of wanton desire.
Visions arise out of the ashes
Of memories long
Hidden,
Awakening that part of me
I let lay to rest years past.
Saturday, February 02, 2008
reality
somehow
somewhere
someday
someday
i will be
who i am to be
why i am to be
where i am to be
and when i am to be
despite
all things
out of my control
somewhere
someday
someday
i will be
who i am to be
why i am to be
where i am to be
and when i am to be
despite
all things
out of my control
Asylum Symphony
The orchestra takes the private stage
Set up in the deepest recesses of my mind.
The conductor waves his wand,
The private music begins to play
No one hearing it but me,
No one responding but me.
Alone I stand,
Alone I listen,
A symphony playing,
Music written for only my ears
And my mind to hear,
No one else invited,
No one else in attendance,
No one to applaud
No one to appreciate and enjoy
But
Me.
So hard to understand
Why I can't share this music,
So hard to comprehend no one
Hears this but me.
Tired of standing alone,
Tired of the million wishes
I carry in my heart,
Tired of the life I lead
And can't escape from.
Encore, I cry,
And the music plays on for only
Me....
Set up in the deepest recesses of my mind.
The conductor waves his wand,
The private music begins to play
No one hearing it but me,
No one responding but me.
Alone I stand,
Alone I listen,
A symphony playing,
Music written for only my ears
And my mind to hear,
No one else invited,
No one else in attendance,
No one to applaud
No one to appreciate and enjoy
But
Me.
So hard to understand
Why I can't share this music,
So hard to comprehend no one
Hears this but me.
Tired of standing alone,
Tired of the million wishes
I carry in my heart,
Tired of the life I lead
And can't escape from.
Encore, I cry,
And the music plays on for only
Me....
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Stealth
Cautiously, carefully,
Watching,
Waiting,
Confusing,
Diffusing,
Sorting things out
Counting my blessings.
I see you,
I hear you,
I read you,
I know you.
I thank you.
For now, it has to be enough.
Watching,
Waiting,
Confusing,
Diffusing,
Sorting things out
Counting my blessings.
I see you,
I hear you,
I read you,
I know you.
I thank you.
For now, it has to be enough.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Singing the Deep Winter Blues
Rundown and waining
No time for living anymore
Always something taking up my time
Just feel like walking out the door.
Rundown and seething
Confusion gets me so down
On the outside I always wear a smile
But on the inside it's a drawn down frown.
Rundown and feel like screaming
Can't seem to make things work
The harder I try to make it right
The more I feel like some jerk.
Rundown and feeling mean
Not like me to be so confused.
I'm so low down right now
Cause I got the Deep Winter Blues.
No time for living anymore
Always something taking up my time
Just feel like walking out the door.
Rundown and seething
Confusion gets me so down
On the outside I always wear a smile
But on the inside it's a drawn down frown.
Rundown and feel like screaming
Can't seem to make things work
The harder I try to make it right
The more I feel like some jerk.
Rundown and feeling mean
Not like me to be so confused.
I'm so low down right now
Cause I got the Deep Winter Blues.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Deep Winter Blues
I wish this title were simply the title to a song, but alas, it's a condition I face every year in the middle of winter, or what I refer to as Deep Winter. Seems each year when this time of year arrives, we face days upon days without sunshine, and when the sun refuses to shine, my generally pleasant tempermant takes a tumble.
I find myself in a rotten mood so much of the time, not wanting to really get out and do anything constructive. Thankfully I do have my job and my responsibilities to the committee I sit on which keeps me active but doesn't tend to provide me with the beams of sunshine I seem to really need this time of year.
I become pessimistic, which is not something I enjoy being. I would much rather be optimistic and see the good in things, but again, it's this sunshine thing and this cold weather thing I seem to suffer from.
Christmas and New Year's are always a great deal of fun for me, even with my job and the hectic pace it sets for my life during the holidays, I still find so much enjoyment celebrating them. There are always those who come along, though, for whatever reasons they might have, and they try and ruin them for others. I try to fend this attack off and usually pretty successful when that happens. I find the best response is to make NO response. It takes two to quarrel and I refuse to do that if I possibly can.
I'm facing a time in my life where there is a great deal of future uncertainty. My career I've enjoyed for the past 29 plus years could be winding down if I can figure out a way to continue to make the same amount of money by retiring and starting a new job. Tomorrow I take the first step in that direction and begin the venture of trying to find a promise of a job that I won't be actually starting until a year from now. That in itself should prove to be quite a challenge in itself.
The Summer Concert Series committee I sit on is hard at work setting dates for our concerts and trying to decide on musical genres and artists to perform. Our meetings have moved from once a month to twice a month because there is so much work to be done to be ready in time. Donation raising is underway and such an important part in the process of providing a community with FREE concerts and concerts that we want to think will be memorable ones for those who attend. Though a lot of work, it's a labor of love and one that I consider very rewarding since one of the purposes my life has chosen to take is the sharing of music with others.
Distractions seem to come along right now in an effort to throw me into an even deeper funk. People try and use me in an effort to bring me down and throw me into the middle of their own karma and use me as an excuse for whatever purpose lies in that. Again, it takes two to keep this going and I refuse to do so when I'm already suffering from a bad case of DWB. So, for those of you who think I'm the cause or the reason for your own bad karma, give it up because I can assure you, it just isn't so. Maybe I don't run on your time schedule, but that's not my doing and it's not under my control. Your own destiny is what you make of it so please, just leave me out of it, ok?
Hopefully next month when vacation arrives and we get away from the daily grind of day to day reality that the setting my wife and I use in February to get away to will provide the comfort and cure to my case of Deep Winter Blues.
At least the sun is shining today, it might be below zero outside and windy as can be, but I'll find something to escape to today, even if it's just for a few hours.
And best of all, Nascar season is less than a month away and that in itself will provide me with a much needed emotional lift I'm sure.
I find myself in a rotten mood so much of the time, not wanting to really get out and do anything constructive. Thankfully I do have my job and my responsibilities to the committee I sit on which keeps me active but doesn't tend to provide me with the beams of sunshine I seem to really need this time of year.
I become pessimistic, which is not something I enjoy being. I would much rather be optimistic and see the good in things, but again, it's this sunshine thing and this cold weather thing I seem to suffer from.
Christmas and New Year's are always a great deal of fun for me, even with my job and the hectic pace it sets for my life during the holidays, I still find so much enjoyment celebrating them. There are always those who come along, though, for whatever reasons they might have, and they try and ruin them for others. I try to fend this attack off and usually pretty successful when that happens. I find the best response is to make NO response. It takes two to quarrel and I refuse to do that if I possibly can.
I'm facing a time in my life where there is a great deal of future uncertainty. My career I've enjoyed for the past 29 plus years could be winding down if I can figure out a way to continue to make the same amount of money by retiring and starting a new job. Tomorrow I take the first step in that direction and begin the venture of trying to find a promise of a job that I won't be actually starting until a year from now. That in itself should prove to be quite a challenge in itself.
The Summer Concert Series committee I sit on is hard at work setting dates for our concerts and trying to decide on musical genres and artists to perform. Our meetings have moved from once a month to twice a month because there is so much work to be done to be ready in time. Donation raising is underway and such an important part in the process of providing a community with FREE concerts and concerts that we want to think will be memorable ones for those who attend. Though a lot of work, it's a labor of love and one that I consider very rewarding since one of the purposes my life has chosen to take is the sharing of music with others.
Distractions seem to come along right now in an effort to throw me into an even deeper funk. People try and use me in an effort to bring me down and throw me into the middle of their own karma and use me as an excuse for whatever purpose lies in that. Again, it takes two to keep this going and I refuse to do so when I'm already suffering from a bad case of DWB. So, for those of you who think I'm the cause or the reason for your own bad karma, give it up because I can assure you, it just isn't so. Maybe I don't run on your time schedule, but that's not my doing and it's not under my control. Your own destiny is what you make of it so please, just leave me out of it, ok?
Hopefully next month when vacation arrives and we get away from the daily grind of day to day reality that the setting my wife and I use in February to get away to will provide the comfort and cure to my case of Deep Winter Blues.
At least the sun is shining today, it might be below zero outside and windy as can be, but I'll find something to escape to today, even if it's just for a few hours.
And best of all, Nascar season is less than a month away and that in itself will provide me with a much needed emotional lift I'm sure.
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