Stealth

Cautiously, carefully,
Watching,
Waiting,
Confusing,
Diffusing,
Sorting things out
Counting my blessings.
I see you,
I hear you,
I read you,
I know you.
I thank you.

For now, it has to be enough.

Singing the Deep Winter Blues

Rundown and waining
No time for living anymore
Always something taking up my time
Just feel like walking out the door.

Rundown and seething
Confusion gets me so down
On the outside I always wear a smile
But on the inside it's a drawn down frown.

Rundown and feel like screaming
Can't seem to make things work
The harder I try to make it right
The more I feel like some jerk.

Rundown and feeling mean
Not like me to be so confused.
I'm so low down right now
Cause I got the Deep Winter Blues.

Deep Winter Blues

I wish this title were simply the title to a song, but alas, it's a condition I face every year in the middle of winter, or what I refer to as Deep Winter. Seems each year when this time of year arrives, we face days upon days without sunshine, and when the sun refuses to shine, my generally pleasant tempermant takes a tumble.

I find myself in a rotten mood so much of the time, not wanting to really get out and do anything constructive. Thankfully I do have my job and my responsibilities to the committee I sit on which keeps me active but doesn't tend to provide me with the beams of sunshine I seem to really need this time of year.

I become pessimistic, which is not something I enjoy being. I would much rather be optimistic and see the good in things, but again, it's this sunshine thing and this cold weather thing I seem to suffer from.

Christmas and New Year's are always a great deal of fun for me, even with my job and the hectic pace it sets for my life during the holidays, I still find so much enjoyment celebrating them. There are always those who come along, though, for whatever reasons they might have, and they try and ruin them for others. I try to fend this attack off and usually pretty successful when that happens. I find the best response is to make NO response. It takes two to quarrel and I refuse to do that if I possibly can.

I'm facing a time in my life where there is a great deal of future uncertainty. My career I've enjoyed for the past 29 plus years could be winding down if I can figure out a way to continue to make the same amount of money by retiring and starting a new job. Tomorrow I take the first step in that direction and begin the venture of trying to find a promise of a job that I won't be actually starting until a year from now. That in itself should prove to be quite a challenge in itself.

The Summer Concert Series committee I sit on is hard at work setting dates for our concerts and trying to decide on musical genres and artists to perform. Our meetings have moved from once a month to twice a month because there is so much work to be done to be ready in time. Donation raising is underway and such an important part in the process of providing a community with FREE concerts and concerts that we want to think will be memorable ones for those who attend. Though a lot of work, it's a labor of love and one that I consider very rewarding since one of the purposes my life has chosen to take is the sharing of music with others.

Distractions seem to come along right now in an effort to throw me into an even deeper funk. People try and use me in an effort to bring me down and throw me into the middle of their own karma and use me as an excuse for whatever purpose lies in that. Again, it takes two to keep this going and I refuse to do so when I'm already suffering from a bad case of DWB. So, for those of you who think I'm the cause or the reason for your own bad karma, give it up because I can assure you, it just isn't so. Maybe I don't run on your time schedule, but that's not my doing and it's not under my control. Your own destiny is what you make of it so please, just leave me out of it, ok?

Hopefully next month when vacation arrives and we get away from the daily grind of day to day reality that the setting my wife and I use in February to get away to will provide the comfort and cure to my case of Deep Winter Blues.

At least the sun is shining today, it might be below zero outside and windy as can be, but I'll find something to escape to today, even if it's just for a few hours.

And best of all, Nascar season is less than a month away and that in itself will provide me with a much needed emotional lift I'm sure.

Mid January

Cold, frigid air,
Blank, empty stare.
Silent screams,
Lost dreams.
Spreading cancers,
No reliable answers.
Long distance miles,
Faces without smiles.
True love dilution
The only solution.

Last Dance

Vital steps we took together,
The path we danced held a necessary
Gap
That proved too much to overcome
As the music we listened to
Finally came to an end.

As the music played, we kept step
With each other,
Matching our steps in unison,
But the music was winding down
As were our steps.

As usual, my lead wasn't enough
And you tried to set your own pace,
Feel music that wasn't playing,
At least to my ears,
And we fell out of step yet again,
Only this time it would be the last.

Finally, the band ceased playing,
Our hands broke apart
And we separted from each other
On the dance floor,
Our dance over,
The connection over,
The magic gone.

Our last dance completed.

Bob Dylan - Positively 4th Street (Studio Recording)

Probably my all time favorite Dylan song. This song has been playing thru my mind for the last few days and I just had to see if a video existed so I could post it here. Without a doubt the lyrics really say it all. Hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

foggy glass

sometimes the winds of change
blow so hard
and things go so far off course
it's impossible to ever return
and reclaim what once was
yet never truly will be again
because of misconception
perception
deception
and assumption
while trying to look thru the eyes
of someone you
no longer know.

weird al one more minute

Sometimes when you're down, only Weird Al can bring a smile to your face. This video is probably my favorite Weird Al song. Catch the back up singers and all the movements they do to the lyrics. If this doesn't bring a chuckle to you consult a shrink because this one is so great. Thanks for watching.

news delivered

the need, so strong,
a need to turn
with nowhere to go
empty hands
empty heart
confused thoughts
crushed ego
life goes on
and no one notices and
no one truly gives a shit.
imagine that!

The Season Of Truth

You came into the world
With a preordained purpose.
You arrived without fanfare
In a place reserved for animals.
You lived a paltry life
With little or no comfort
And died an agonizing death
That others might live and be rewarded with
Paradise.

What a shame so many fail
To recognize your season
As YOUR season
And instead mutate and warp it
To suit their own
Selfish desires and beliefs.

This season, as always
My thoughts turn to you
All those centuries ago
When your birth was announced
By an eastern star.

Thanks for what you have given to us all,
Not just to me and to mine,
But to us all
And thanks for the chance
To follow you.

Merry Christmas!

Delusional # 34

Crowded, yet I'm so lonely,
Loud,
But it's so quiet.
So much talking,
But I'm remaining silent.
So much happiness,
Yet I'm morose.

You smile that smile that signals
Victory
As I remain
With the same frown
I've worn for so long
But
For reasons you've yet to
Comprehend.

You laugh
Your laugh,
Yet I smile my knowing smile,
Realizing
You accomplished
Nil
Zip,
Nadda,
Yet you think you've won the prize
While all you've really won
Is false victory
And utter defeat.

You gather those five of yours together
Along with your sixth,
And you relay to them
That the despondence that you
Celebrate
Is that of your own creation
And while you celebrate the
Emptiness you so desire
To hold as impressive
And smug,
Is truly a pathetic
Ruse
That you attempt
To fool so many with
As you hold your head high
While your soul
Sells you out
And reveals your true self:
A pathetic excuse as a human being,
A husband
A Father
And a Son.

Ironically, you're no longer needed
As your masqueraded independence
Does nothing more
Than to prove
What a joke you've created
As your world,
Yet no one else
Other than those close to you
Sheds tears,
Because they have become wise
And accustomed
To
Your Ways.....

Christmas Music:

WALKIN' 'ROUND IN WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR - Christmas Parody

Chris Rea : Driving Home For Christmas

Relative Bearing

Uncertainty
Yet assured,
Confused,
Yet knowing.
Indecisive
With a mind already made up,
Questioning
Yet knowing most of the answers.
Longing for the anticipated
Prize
That awaits so far off in the distance.
Silence breeds
Uncertainty
Confusion
Indecisiveness
And so many unanswered questions.

Will I play the game to the end?

And if I do,
Who wins?

The clock approaches the arrival
Of yet another day,
And the game plays
On.

RBLAWS

All on board the train of thought!

Hmmm, light load tonight for sure!

Next stop, the light of hope.

Okay, who turned off the lights?

October

Tender moments,
Shared thoughts,
A meandering of one's arrival
Into a new realm
Thought lost,
Not forgotten,
but with an amnesia like quality
Seems new yet again.

Barrage

With the speed of a humming bird in flight
My heart races
When faced with you so close to me.

Was It A Dream

Awakening from a deep sleep,
The vision of a dream,
So brilliantly imbedded in my mind,
Hovering over the arrival
Of the now.
Leaving behind in this world
The evidence of
An emotional persuasiveness
Embellishing itself as no longer a dream
But as of a self-conscious effort
And
Desire.

Enlightenment

Sometimes in our lives, things have a way of happening,
Of working in ways we don't seem to understand,
Yet eventually,
Reality comes to light
And total realization blazes forth.